Johnny (it_cant_be_done) wrote,

Capturing moods....

Its been a while i am feeling nostalgic. Nostalgia for that day in particular, it was perfect, it was magic, it was everything i wanted. We the drive past the ocean, into the hustle and bustle of the city traffic. Sharing Pop tarts, and eating them with the same rituals. talking about boys and Mariah Carey. Being smart asses, we do that so well. you still owe me breakfast and fresh home made coffee by the way!

we took care of business(even on a mission, we have the best time) then the day was ours! We ate, i enjoyed it, you didn't fool me, you were terrified to eat anything on that menu but you're a sport and i thank you. we set out to see the city, we found the hills, the homes, the Chateau. Your face was glowing gold, you danced around the street like your feet were made of air, I thought you were gonna Explode! its good that you didnt, otherwise we never would have made it through the back door and up the elevator nor would we have had the chance to piss on the finest ice cubes this side of the north pole, look through old glass onto courtyards, appreciate the little details while we stole the towels.

then came downtown.... CUP CAKES! not just any cup cakes, STRAWBERRY! as if god himself heard my thoughts on dropped before us! literaly at our feet! We set out, seeking sheltar, a sacred place for us to enjoy our holy gifts, we found crowds and music and people and more food and more people and art and pot heads and red bull and free ice cream but it wasnt worth the wait. Then came the Building... with its once grand hall, now a run down show room. Majestic cracked missmatched crystal chandeliers, baroque detail lost under years of dust and neglect. we took some pictures then went looking for a place to piss. we found mischief in the upper floors and back halls. A random laundromat, and broken leaky toilet to piss in, dark stairwells that led us to a beautiful moment. we found a room, dark and empty, faintly lit by little barley there rope lights tacked to the ceiling. there was music floating in the air, i could make it out at first, but it was perfect. i single perfect moment in time. something out of a dream or a movie. i took out my camera to catch a little bit of the magic, so could have something to remind me forever, of our perfect moment together. Just i had finished, i turned to you, only to find that your were there with your camera, trying to catch me in the moment. Thats when i realized what sond was floating in the air...

"True love will find you in the end
You'll find out just who was your friend
Don’t be sad, I know you will,
But don’t give up until
True love finds you in the end.

This is a promise with a catch
Only if you're looking will it find you
‘Cause true love is searching too
But how can it recognize you
Unless you step out into the light?
Don't be sad, i know you will
But don’t give up until
True love finds you in the end."

God, I could FUCKING DIE! Surreal.... we were living out a scene in a movie about us. it was all very overwhelming, getting lost in that moment then flash, back to reality. I swallowed heart turned my brain back on and  in true fashion, i probably made a joke or remark to break the silence but we knew what just happened.

we found the room that the music came from, it was just as dark and mystrious as all the other rooms, a run down space, broken floor board, a make shift counter space serving the purpose of a bar, complete with disposible cups and plastic jugs of bottom shelf booze. red light bulbs here and there flickered about. in the center of the room stood a man and his guitar, poor his heart out to no one. 

We soon found ourselves back on the streets. It was time for a well deserved smoke and a snack. I found my glass bottle Mexi-coke, you Found Don Draper and holy fuck was he delicious! we need him again! After a minute or two of people watching and boy oogling, we headed back to the car but only for a minute, the our adventure wasn't done yet,  not when  we were so close to where it all began. 3 city block later, we arrived. The Golden Gopher... it was just as we left it, a handful of people, good music, and an opulent well stocked bar and classic cocktails. We took a some silly pictures in the photo both, we had a drink, some cigarettes, and got to know each other just as we had almost a year prior. it still amazes me that we did, in less than a year, what took 10 years to do with others...but all good things must come to an end. We found the car and back home we went, divided our things, i thanked you for a truly thoughtful gift(the best kind), hugged our good bye's, and off i went back to the desert.

looking back on the that day and days before.... Dont think that in my silence, i'm troubled or nervous when we are together. It's totally ok, Sometimes i have to remind myself and i get caught up in thought, stuck in my head for a minute. its a process where i think about my heartbeat, the way my heart beats, the way it beats when we are together, how it still beats similar to the way it used to but only slightly different and how i still feel the way i used to, how much i care and how sorry i am for hurting you... so then i tell my brain to tell my heart to cut it OUT! I telling my eyes not to notice the little things like when your face lights up, how you aren't afraid to look me in the eyes anymore but i still catch you sneaking glances at me in the car when you think i am wont notice. telling my ears not to hear the way you say my name, when we are bickering back and forth, "JOOOHNY!" or at night when we wonder the quite street and you say my name so softly, i hear a thousand of your thoughts in just a whisper of my name. It passes, bitter sweet.

I'll always wonder, but i will never regret. i am were i belong. You're an amazing person, a light in the dark, a rare find. it's been in my experience that the people i meet in the most random of situations, become those who have the greatest impact on my life. as if it's predestined that we should know one another, like the cosmos in all their infinite wisdom, placed us in just the right places at the right time, so that we might share with each other, life's lessons ...i would rather have us now, as weird as it can be, than NOT having us at all! lets face it kid, call it fate, coincidence, or even the simple fact that we love The Smiths, it is what it is and it  was meant to be and We are will always be this, even when we are living on opposite sides of the world, old and grey. If i never see or hear from you again, i will always have that place to go, thats the one single moment in time to remind me.
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