Johnny (it_cant_be_done) wrote,

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autumn winter spring

i took from others what i felt that i didnt deserve from you, and i am sorry. i was wrong for that isaac...

Its done, i finally said the things that i needed to say. its time to really close this and move on. i am glad that we are learning to be ok. tonights conversation was a huge step for me, a step towards being a better me, and although i am doing this for myself, its good to know that i am not alone. there is no reason why we cant be there to lift each other up. as much as it hurt to know that you found someone to make you happier than i could... no, happier than i should have made you. i failed myself, i gave up, i let depression get the better of me. but i am now doing what i should have done.

i cant wait to see where life goes from here. i can't say that things are perfect, i cant even say that things are good, but i can say that i am trying, i am aware of my flaws and i am gonna fix them.

tonight was awesome, though it started as a very trivial conversation, but hey, good to know that i should be giving myself due credit. i have spent my life beating myself up over things that only i saw. i am a good kisser, god damn it! bells palsy or not, i am still a great kisser!I digress, so that opened the doors for me to address the real issue. I miss you! its been a struggle to learn not to miss my boyfriend but i managed. The guy that came to be my friend, a true friend, that guy i miss!!! we may not have seen eye to eye, we definitely came from different worlds but i know that you cared, more then anyone before you had. you really did make that most lasting impression on me isaac, you pulled me out of my darkest place. i'd like to think that i helped you find some strength of your own, maybe a little magic? i mean look at you... you're loving someone, and although i don't know much about you guys, it appears to be a pretty fearless love on your part. Way to go, thats soooo amazing and i love that we can talk about it now. Maybe someday i'll even have my own something to talk about?!? stranger things have happened, i am SURE! lol. Here is to new beginnings. I hope that we can truly push passed everything and that we can stay in each others lives.
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