Friday, I got paid, my first thought........ Go to San Diego! It seems to be the place I run away to these past few years. Its the most complicated and least complicated thing to do. But I am always happy there, in the moment, just being. Granted, eventually the clock strikes midnight and reality sets in, I have to come back from Never Never Land. Usually more confused/sad/disappointed then when I left but it's weird, even though the consequences always out way my actions, I find it harder and harder to come back. It's not the people that I'm with or the person I'm not with for that matter, but instead, it's the way I feel, that's the addiction. Happy, about myself, about being away, about doing my own thing. What does it all mean?!? I need to sort shit out! Map a plan of action and GO! Focus on my goal(what ever that ends up being) and give 100% of myself. I think that's been my biggest problem over the past 10 years, I've changed so much and given so much of myself to so many different people and things that I've forgotten what I am. It's like I've cut away some many pieces of myself and I give it away to someone in need but now there's nothing left, nothing recognizable. No semblance of myself, but I can get it back, I just need to focus, I've done it before.